It’s easy to be successful. Anyone can follow these simple steps to achieve immense success in their life and career, just as I have.

1. Be attractive

You’ll find better jobs if people find you attractive. Studies show that attractive people are seen as more trustworthy and of higher status than their less attractive counterparts. Your hips, skin tone, and symmetric facial features play an important role.

Be sure to acquire good genes from your ancestors.

2. Have successful friends

It’s no secret that success is bolstered by the connections in your social network. We look to our peers for inspiration, and are discouraged by their failures.

Ensure that you have many friends, who all become successful themselves. Sever communication with anyone who fails, so they don’t bring you down.

3. Get free money

Your family’s economic background will greatly influence your individual success. Try to have rich parents. It also helps if they are well educated. You can use their money and connections to experiment with your silly business ideas.

However, since most businesses fail within five years you’d be foolish to invest your own money in one. Find an angel investor, or join a start-up that already has. You’ll receive a generous salary for a few years until the company fails miserably.

And if you’re ever struggling financially, simply sell some of your stock to get by.

4. Look busy

Organizations rely largely on self-assesment, peer review, and number of hours worked when valuing your contributions.

Always look busy, be at work longer (show up before everyone else; leave last), and never work remotely. Send lots of emails. Spam the company chat room. Suck up to everyone. The company will mistake your apparent devotion and kindness for aptitude and work ethic.

Whenever possible, brag about all the work you need to do, and that no time remains for your personal life. You’ll appear much more important.

5. Get bored easily

Don’t waste your precious time on boring, tedious tasks; convince other people to do them. Delegating will make you happier and you’ll seem like a natural leader.

Tired of working on the same dumb project? Start something new, or switch roles. The novelty will keep you more engaged, for a short while. Such “initiative” is highly valued by employers.

Never stay at the same job longer than a year. You’ll get bigger raises anyway, and companies will think you are more competent due to additional name-dropping on your résumé.

Become a serial entrepreneur. Don’t waste time on one idea; move on to something new whenever you start to lose interest. Give yourself impressive-sounding but meaningless titles like “Founder”, “VP”, or “Director” of something.

When people ask “What do you do?” you can tell them about your new role, job, or title. They’ll see how interesting and successful you truly are.