It’s easy to be successful. Anyone can follow these simple steps to achieve immense success in their life and career, just as I have.
1. Be attractive
You’ll find better jobs if people find you attractive. Studies show that attractive people are seen as more trustworthy and of higher status than their less attractive counterparts. Your hips, skin tone, and symmetric facial features play an important role.
Be sure to acquire good genes from your ancestors.
2. Have successful friends
Ensure that you have many friends, who all become successful themselves. Sever communication with anyone who fails, so they don’t bring you down.
3. Get free money
Your family’s economic background will greatly influence your individual success. Try to have rich parents. It also helps if they are well educated. You can use their money and connections to experiment with your silly business ideas.
However, since most businesses fail within five years you’d be foolish to invest your own money in one. Find an angel investor, or join a start-up that already has. You’ll receive a generous salary for a few years until the company fails miserably.
And if you’re ever struggling financially, simply sell some of your stock to get by.
4. Look busy
Always look busy, be at work longer (show up before everyone else; leave last), and never work remotely. Send lots of emails. Spam the company chat room. Suck up to everyone. The company will mistake your apparent devotion and kindness for aptitude and work ethic.
5. Get bored easily
Become a serial entrepreneur. Don’t waste time on one idea; move on to something new whenever you start to lose interest. Give yourself impressive-sounding but meaningless titles like “Founder”, “VP”, or “Director” of something.